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i think last night went well. i have learned, though, that the "success" of a service lies not in the emotion or flow of the night but in what happens down the road. so, i guess you could say i am holding off on determining how well selah went.
all that being said...
i enjoyed it.
i was surprised by it.
i was challenged by it.
i needed it.
last week, i really had a hard time communicating what God was laying on my heart.
i felt like i just did not get the job done. there are nights when i feel like i just did not do what i needed to do.
last night, though, i felt better. i had wrestled, i mean really wrestled with what God was doing in me. we had other plans for how it was supposed to go, but finally resigned ourselves to let God have it.
i really hate when i get in the way of that.
we talked about "nanotheology." i get so caught up in the "big" things that i miss out on the little things, the things right in front of me...like loving my neighbor. i really needed this study. i needed this perspective.
the podcast is up.
check out the pictures that mikey took.
may we always be aware of those next to us.
when i am older, i want to be the biggest supporter of younger generations.
on some level, when i am older, i want to be cool.
i want to be hip.
but even if i am neither cool nor hip, i still really want to support those who are.
i don't want to think that i have "paid my dues" and so now i get what i want.
i want to pay more dues, for other people.
i want to discipline and train myself now to have a heart for other people. to have a heart for people who think differently than i do. i want to stay outside the box.
i want to be used to encourage all generations to experience true freedom.
freedom that is only found when valuing other people more than ourselves.
but...
i have to live in that freedom, myself, first.
each week, i study...and i am convicted.
i am made painfully aware of my own shortcomings and my own areas where i lack.
and i cannot stand in front of people and teach something i have not yet learned myself.
i want to have more integrity than that.
not because it gets me anything.
not because it makes me feel better about myself.
but because it makes a difference.
i am tired of the dichotomy between what is said and what is done.
i want to live in the freedom of integrity.
This is the intro video for Selah tonight.
I am really convinced that the reason so many young adults leave the church after high school is because the "God" they have been taught is too small for the world we live in.
We have been given a strict list of rules and a shorter list of places to find God.
I believe God is everywhere. I believe we have been given freedom to find Him there.
Peace.
You would think it wouldn't phase me anymore.
At the very least, that I would catch on to some sort of a pattern.
It just wasn't a great day, all around. It is tough to have too great of a day when you start it off with a two and a half hour staff meeting. I mean who lives for that?
Wednesdays for me are a marathon day. 8:30 AM Staff Meeting followed by another meeting for Sunday School. Usually followed by lunch. Today I had to visit a couple of hospitals. I had a counseling session. I had to finish up some stuff for the talk tonight and get the room set up.
I started off this week really stoked about Selah tonight. I love that time we have together and I love the time leading up to it: the studying, the creative planning. I was looking forward to tonight because I knew my heart had been wrecked by what God was doing and my eyes were opened to a ton of new things, and newness always excites me.
This afternoon I heard from some people that they would not be there tonight which probably shouldn't get to me as much, but it does. Then we ran into some complaints about the changes we were making in the room which really got me pretty discouraged. But, it made me go back to prayer and let Him take it. So, I texted our leadership/core team and just let them know that I was discouraged and that we needed to pray and saturate tonight in prayer. Our team is awesome, I got text after text back saying they were on it.
It seems that each time Wednesday starts to fall apart, we have an incredible night.
Tonight was no different.
All of the previous stuff happened, then my mic was not working so we couldn't podcast. But, God doesn't need a mic, or a fancy room...He just is.
No matter what.
In our weakness He is made strong.
It is awesome to be along for the ride.
There are moments when some pieces of this mosaic of life start to reveal their purpose in the grander scheme and tonight I saw some revelation.
Meredith and I were able to spend some time with Mikey, Doug and Shelly and it is in times like those that you really start to get a sense of God's grand plan and a sense that you really are not alone and that rescue is coming. I need times like that.
I need moments when I am challenged to not accept the status quo.
Moments when I am forced to ask myself some dangerous questions.
I am always challenged in those moments.
I am always challenged to seek God.
I am always challenged to make myself better. Not because of what I can gain, but what others can.
I need challenge.
We grilled 80 hot dogs and I only dropped one of them on the ground.
On most blogging occasions, that would be good enough. I could stop right there. If anyone has every seen me try to pass the grilled, simmering hot dog from the grill to the bun, you know what I mean.
Suffice it to say, 79 out of 80 is really really good.
There are a few things that concern me. Please do not misunderstand. A lot of good happened this weekend. We fed a lot of people, most of whom were homeless or at least struggling to make ends meet.
My biggest concern is that a lot of people missed out on being Jesus' hands and feet that day.
A lot of people had a great time.
A relaxing time.
A selfish time?
Maybe I am too cynical.
Maybe I am too judgmental.
Maybe I expect too much from people.
Maybe...no...certainly, I expect more from a Christian than I do from anyone else, especially one who "knows" better.
Selah in the Park started off as an opportunity to serve our community. It began as a scheduled event we were to use to intentionally get out of our comfort zones, out of our gray chairs, out of the four-walled, safe confines of our church.
It appears to me that we have become really good at just moving our whole comfort zone.
I think we should all attach a "WIDE LOAD" sign to our backs, like those semis who move whole houses down the interstate.
What began as a chance to display our love for others has turned into a chance to display our love for ourselves.
It is scary to notice that no matter where we are, the same people sit with the same people on the same side of the room/park/van. Have we become that good at being comfortable that we can "make ourselves at home" everywhere?
At one point there was a line of homeless men waiting for the hot dogs to come off the grill.
...
...
...And ONE WOMAN serving them drinks and preparing their plates.
While everyone else stayed in their seats, next to the same people, comfortably eating and drinking food that was made for them.
And we wonder why our churches aren't growing.
We wonder why people are turned off by church.
We wonder why Christians are looked down upon.
We wonder...and wonder...and wonder...
...in our same seats, next to the same people, comfortably consuming what was prepared for us.
I wish I could say we are different. I wish I could say that Saturday was an aberration. I wish I could say we were all just tired from a long week. I wish I could say that is a poor reflection of our ministry.
But...
It may be the truest reflection of us, all.
On a typical Wednesday night,
we sit in our same seats, next to the same people, comfortably consuming what was prepared for us.
We sit. We may stand to sing. Because if we didn't while everyone else did, that would be just too uncomfortable.
We sit by the same people. Because if we sat anywhere else, we wouldn't be comfortable.
We consume. Because we need to be filled to be comfortable.
While a line grows...and grows...and grows...
But we just sit, next to the same people, consuming what was prepared for us.
Well, last night was our first night in "The Attic." I have to say, the room is coming along nicely. There is plenty of space and it is very conducive to the type of environment we would like to create.
That being said, we ran into a few glitches last night, which I am learning are really not a big deal, but at the time are pretty frustrating. The computer that is up there to run our videos and worship lyrics is antiquated at best and the system used to send the video to the displays is a little weird. It will just take experience with it to get us familiar with it all.
The number of people who come has never really been too important to me. I mean, it is certainly discouraging when one week we have close to 40 people show up and the next week we have barely 20. I just keep reminding myself that God is still in control and that He has there the people who need to be there. The concern I have is that we are not concerned enough with people outside of our ministry or outside of our church. That is something I will have to work on myself, first.
I was curious to see where everyone was going to sit in the new room. For years we have had the same room and have sat in the same seats. I was curious to see how that translated to a new room. It was fun to watch that unfold. I do get the sense that we are slowly sliding back into our comfort groups though, and that is another concern of mine. I am sure that has much to do with my other concern mentioned earlier.
The music was good. I am continually impressed with what the guys can do with just the three of them and I have been inspired seeing Blake pick up the bass now and just figure it out. I know he misses and loves playing the acoustic so it is hard for him to play bass each week, but I love his heart in it.
This week's talk really got to me as I studied. We did not have the audio recording working, so we could not record for you podcast listeners...sorry about that. It was weird, I was uncomfortable at the beginning. I am not sure why, maybe because I recognized the importance of the words I was about to say or because I was painfully aware of the impact they have had on my life, who knows. Either way, it took me a while to get going.
People often ask me how I think Selah went or how I thought the talk was. To me, it takes some time to discern the impact of a night like that. It can be great and full of momentum and emotion, but if no changes are made in lives as we walk out of that room...was it still what it was supposed to be?
I would love to hear your stories.
I would love to hear how you think Selah has gone.
Last night or previously.
I would love to hear if Selah is connecting you to God and to each other.
May we never forget the importance and significance of what we do on Wednesday nights.
May we never let little glitches get in the way of our greater calling and purpose.
May peace be with you.
Peace.
Jeremy
