becoming

There is something about me that is quite disturbing:
I can separate myself.

Not in a Ripley's-Believe-it-or-Not way, but in a Why-Did-I-Just-Do-That way.
I can separate myself into a physical self, a mental self, and a spiritual self.

I can do things without really knowing why I did them. I can feel one thing and say or do the complete opposite. I can be totally convicted about something and never act on it. Or, I actually can act on it, but I never let the conviction ever drip into the essence of me.

Ironically, I get the feeling that my ability to separate myself does not, in fact, separate me from everyone else. I mean, we all can do that, can't we?

And you hear people say things like,
"I don't know what I did that"
or "You know me, man, I didn't mean that"
or "That's not really who I am" - which is an interesting phrase.

Can we really produce things that we are not?

Maybe our excuses don't really make sense. Maybe they don't really work.

"Oh, I said that? I guess that is something I really need to work on."
Maybe that is more like it.

I get the sense that I can separate myself so well because what I learn and what convicts me rarely makes its way into the essence of who I really am.

I love learning. I can know the "right things."
I am really good at doing. Often times, I do the "right thing."
But that does not, necessarily make me the "right person."

There is something awfully dangerous and vulnerable about becoming the right person.
There is no formula. No charts or plans. No diagram.

What I am learning is that it is not about what we know, or what we do...but it is about what happens between the knowing becoming doing.

It is becoming.

May you know what God wants you to know. May you do what God wants you do do.
But most importantly,
May you become who God wants you to become.