cardboard

i think last night went well. i have learned, though, that the "success" of a service lies not in the emotion or flow of the night but in what happens down the road. so, i guess you could say i am holding off on determining how well selah went.

all that being said...

i enjoyed it.
i was surprised by it.
i was challenged by it.
i needed it.

last week, i really had a hard time communicating what God was laying on my heart.
i felt like i just did not get the job done. there are nights when i feel like i just did not do what i needed to do.
last night, though, i felt better. i had wrestled, i mean really wrestled with what God was doing in me. we had other plans for how it was supposed to go, but finally resigned ourselves to let God have it.

i really hate when i get in the way of that.

we talked about "nanotheology." i get so caught up in the "big" things that i miss out on the little things, the things right in front of me...like loving my neighbor. i really needed this study. i needed this perspective.

the podcast is up.
check out the pictures that mikey took.

may we always be aware of those next to us.

integrity

when i am older, i want to be the biggest supporter of younger generations.
on some level, when i am older, i want to be cool.
i want to be hip.

but even if i am neither cool nor hip, i still really want to support those who are.
i don't want to think that i have "paid my dues" and so now i get what i want.
i want to pay more dues, for other people.

i want to discipline and train myself now to have a heart for other people. to have a heart for people who think differently than i do. i want to stay outside the box.

i want to be used to encourage all generations to experience true freedom.
freedom that is only found when valuing other people more than ourselves.
but...
i have to live in that freedom, myself, first.

each week, i study...and i am convicted.
i am made painfully aware of my own shortcomings and my own areas where i lack.
and i cannot stand in front of people and teach something i have not yet learned myself.
i want to have more integrity than that.
not because it gets me anything.
not because it makes me feel better about myself.
but because it makes a difference.

i am tired of the dichotomy between what is said and what is done.
i want to live in the freedom of integrity.

reflect

This is the intro video for Selah tonight.
I am really convinced that the reason so many young adults leave the church after high school is because the "God" they have been taught is too small for the world we live in.

We have been given a strict list of rules and a shorter list of places to find God.

I believe God is everywhere. I believe we have been given freedom to find Him there.

Peace.

like usual

You would think it wouldn't phase me anymore.
At the very least, that I would catch on to some sort of a pattern.

It just wasn't a great day, all around. It is tough to have too great of a day when you start it off with a two and a half hour staff meeting. I mean who lives for that?

Wednesdays for me are a marathon day. 8:30 AM Staff Meeting followed by another meeting for Sunday School. Usually followed by lunch. Today I had to visit a couple of hospitals. I had a counseling session. I had to finish up some stuff for the talk tonight and get the room set up.

I started off this week really stoked about Selah tonight. I love that time we have together and I love the time leading up to it: the studying, the creative planning. I was looking forward to tonight because I knew my heart had been wrecked by what God was doing and my eyes were opened to a ton of new things, and newness always excites me.

This afternoon I heard from some people that they would not be there tonight which probably shouldn't get to me as much, but it does. Then we ran into some complaints about the changes we were making in the room which really got me pretty discouraged. But, it made me go back to prayer and let Him take it. So, I texted our leadership/core team and just let them know that I was discouraged and that we needed to pray and saturate tonight in prayer. Our team is awesome, I got text after text back saying they were on it.

It seems that each time Wednesday starts to fall apart, we have an incredible night.
Tonight was no different.
All of the previous stuff happened, then my mic was not working so we couldn't podcast. But, God doesn't need a mic, or a fancy room...He just is.

No matter what.
In our weakness He is made strong.

It is awesome to be along for the ride.

challenge

There are moments when some pieces of this mosaic of life start to reveal their purpose in the grander scheme and tonight I saw some revelation.

Meredith and I were able to spend some time with Mikey, Doug and Shelly and it is in times like those that you really start to get a sense of God's grand plan and a sense that you really are not alone and that rescue is coming. I need times like that.
I need moments when I am challenged to not accept the status quo.
Moments when I am forced to ask myself some dangerous questions.

I am always challenged in those moments.
I am always challenged to seek God.
I am always challenged to make myself better. Not because of what I can gain, but what others can.

I need challenge.